narva: (Su Shi)
[personal profile] narva
Title: M'wife.
Rating: A
Characters/pairings: fem!Su/male!Fin, male!Nor/fem!Den, Ice; Set some point during the Kalmar Union
Fandom: Axis Powers Hetalia
Warnings: Sweden and Denmark are genderbent/sexswitched; this takes place in a sauna = everyone's naked; very light mentioned violence; mention of impotence.
Summary: There actually IS a reason why Sweden calls Finland her wife.
Beta: Thanks to [livejournal.com profile] cognitiveleague!
Notes: Written two years ago for the Nordic 5 Secret santa Exchange but I still love it and wanted to edit it slightly and hnghhhh I just love this piece.



It started as usual.

But no, it didn't. Later, he would always have to swear that no, he wasn't lying. That this time, for once, something didn't start with Sweden and Denmark getting into a fight. Or with Denmark having one of her rather... interesting ideas.

This particular problem started with Norway and Sweden. Who were having a discussion about ... well, okay. It did start with Denmark and Sweden, but not in the usual way.

With any normal family, spending a cold winter's evening in the family sauna was probably the most relaxing thing ever. With Denmark's household, relaxation was like asking for a white midsummer. Not that it didn't happen from time to time, for example when Denmark and/or Sweden someone was off someplace else, but as soon as all of them were in one place, only a fool could hope that it would stay quiet.

Sometimes, Finland was a fool.

But it had really been promising at first: With Denmark having been out in the woods all day and having come back exhausted, with Sweden having chopped wood all afternoon so she was too sore to move more than a few centimetres, with Norway in the kind of good mood that meant he might not start teasing everyone else, but instead just sit there and dream of the nature outside...

Yes, it had been very promising. Iceland had curled up at Norway's side and only stayed awake because the older male prodded him every time that he threatened to drift off. Falling asleep in the steambath was dangerous, after all. Sweden had claimed her usual place and seemed to have magically shifted a little bit closer every time Finland looked at her. Denmark had been banned to the other side of the hut and lay there sprawled out in a completely unfeminine way... Germania's upbringing really showed. What was more surprising was that she was actually quiet (later Finland would think that that should probably have been a warning signal). Though the way that Denmark kept staring at him made the younger nation cringe a bit, it was only that. And with a little bit of luck, the woman would get bored like she usually did and everything would remain quiet.

Just that his part of Europe just didn't seem big on luck. Although he was a lot luckier than everyone South of him.

It started, of course, with one of Denmark's random musings. Honestly, they were probably as random as Sweden's... which meant that they were just as impossible to anticipate.

"Norway's the greatest."

The nation in question only stared at the oldest Nordic, his expression not changing in the slightest.

"'s that so."

Sweden would have disagreed on principle, but she rather liked her neighbour. Plus she really didn't want to get hit by one of his trolls.

"'nd then?" Norway had decided to speak up, eyes piercing right through his girlfriend. "Finish your sentences, you."

That left Denmark, and not just Sweden, blinking in confusion (although Sweden's version of that was a slight incline of her left shoulder that probably nobody noticed). What exactly did Norway mean?

"Whadda ya mean? I just said that ya are the greatest." And, after a moment, she added: "...Ya'll make a great husband, too."

Norway stared at Denmark for a few minutes and then deadpanned: "'nd you'll make the greatest wife?"

"Yeah, exactly. That'll fit perfectly, don't ya think?"

"Y' won't." Sweden had decided to interject, leaning over Finland's shoulder... shoulder...

-when had she gotten there?! The younger nation shrieked and tried to crawl away on instinct, but two sets of long, delicate but also calloused and strong fingers held him in place. "M' wife 'll b' better than y'."

That got him some moments of silence. But while Finland's brain still tried to comprehend what had just been said and his mouth started to babble "...but Sve, I will be a husband one day, I mean, I don't mind if it is you, that's not what I mean, I'm sure that would be a good thing even if I'd like to look around a bit but I don't mean that I would want anyone else I'm just saying that it would be nice if I could at least grow old enough to look around and then could find you and...", Norway had gently removed his brother from his side and walked over to Denmark. "Get up, you."

"But No~r..."

The troll grabbed the woman around the waist and hoisted her up into the air before setting her down onto her feet. Norway nearly smirked. "My wife is taller."

"M'ne won't get saggy br'sts." At which Finland decided that the only way to deal with this was to protest, no matter what the woman that technically owned him would do. But Denmark cut in first.

"Yeah, because yer wife will get bald and impotent."

And that was about the point where Finland buried his head in his hands and wished to vanish, Sweden and Denmark jumped at each other's throats, Norway went to replace the firewood, and Iceland fell asleep.

It ended as usual.

[Notes:
-Fem!Sweden and fem!Denmark were raised like boys because Germania didn't know better;
-falling asleep in a sauna is like falling asleep on an electric heating pad: it might not harm you;
-no, Sweden and Denmark are not able to have a normal conversation.
-no, Sweden can never get it right, no matter what gender either one of them belongs to]
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Narva // Kira // Su-chan

About

Kira, also known as Narva. Can be contacted at plurk:narwa and aim:janteslaw. 24, European, student of theology, Lutheran. Likes Hetalia, Dark is Rising, various others. RPer. Currently single.

When the Dark comes rising, six shall turn it back;
Three from the circle, three from the track;
Wood, bronze, iron; water, fire, stone;
Five will return, and one go alone.

Iron for the birthday, bronze carried long;
Wood from the burning, stone out of song;
Fire in the candle-ring, water from the thaw;
Six Signs the circle, and the grail gone before.

Fire on the mountain shall find the harp of gold
Played to wake the Sleepers, oldest of the old;
Power from the greenwitch, lost beneath the sea;
All shall find the light at last, silver on the tree.

On the day of the dead, when the year too dies,
Must the youngest open the oldest hills
Through the door of the birds, where the breeze breaks.
There fire shall fly from the raven boy,
And the silver eyes that see the wind,
And the light shall have the harp of gold.

By the pleasant lake the Sleepers lie,
On Cadfan’s Way where the kestrels call;
Though grim from the Grey King shadows fall,
Yet singing the golden harp shall guide
To break their sleep and bid them ride.

When light from the lost land shall return,
Six Sleepers shall ride, six Signs shall burn,
And where the midsummer tree grows tall
By Pendragon’s sword the Dark shall fall.

Y maent yr mynyddoedd yn canu,
ac y mae’r arglwyddes yn dod.

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